Struggle to stay positive

It can be a struggle to stay positive. It can be even harder for people who grew up with a negative inner monologue which was reinforced by others. I struggle every day to think positive. When I am around others who are negative I tend to fight to not take it on or revert to my old way of thinking. It's  hard to stop something you have done for so long. I am working really hard to fight this. But some days when I'm in a lot of pain or just struggling it can be hard to be positive. I know I have hurt people because of it over the years and this honestly has never been my intention and it hurts me to think someone might think I would intentionally hurt someone. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and misunderstandings and try to do better next time. I am trying to avoid negativity where I can and be around more caring positive people. It can be hard when there is so much negativity going on in the world. Every where you turn there are people hurting people. How do you not feel sad and jaded reading the news and what's going on in the world.  I try to meditate and do daily affirmations. Life has been overwhelming recently with many things going on so I haven't had time to do them as much and I have noticed a difference. It also doesn't help I suffer from SAD and it's the middle of winter. I am thinking of starting a gratitude journal and regular journal again. And well as making sure I get in my meditation and affirmations. I also am going to disconnect and just kinda do my own thing. I need to get my self on track. I can't control how people view me or what they think of me. But I can control how I feel about my self and right now I don't feel very good or like I'm in a good place. It's the first time in a while I have felt like things would be better off with out me. And I don't like feeling that way.